Nightmares..

fucking hell i just cant take it anymore. once again i've been woken up by a nightmare that has been taunting me for the past couple of days. i had this same problem a couple of weeks ago, but now its back ):

every night i'm afraid to fall asleep because i know ill probably end up waking up in tears. basically this nightmare is about my parents.. my future.. and everything else being totally crushed.


it's my worst nightmare.
my worst.
it always starts off with an image of my mum. she's sitting in our old hammock, from back when we were in melacca. and well.. shes just sitting there.. staring at me.. then she suddenly breaks out crying, because it turns out my dad had cut our monthly allowance, and we could no longer afford to feed the pets or to go out more than once a week.. and that we were counting every cent now more then ever. she would just cry her heart out.. iv seen her cry, but this is so much worse then what iv seen.. i can see that she cant take it anymore, and i fear that she might actually have failed in keeping whats left of our family together.

as she cries, i get into the hammock with her. but im a little girl, like when i was 7 or something. and i have no clue what the fuck is going on. i see my dad walk in, with his girlfriend and her 3 children.. they're all happy.. with awesome clothes, n expensive shit.. stuff like that. and my dad tells me its time i go to university. i instantly start changing, sort of like my life was being fast-forwarded, and next thing i know im where i am now.

when i get to the gates of the university, which are huge, almost like the gates of heaven (or atleast thats how i imagined it to be), i step through. inside, i see my brother. he's just sitting.. studying.. telling me about how im going to fail and end up alone in the streets.. telling me about how i should have listened to him when he told me to do my homework, and bout how i failed my mum and iv betrayed all of them, and that they still hold a grudge on me from when i went to live at my dads.. about how they thought i was becoming best friends with that FUCKTARD BITCH THAT RUINED MY LIFE..

then i see my mum again, after a year of struggling in school, afraid of what she has become. i see her, she's found a man. she's getting married to him. he's filthy rich.. i watch them from the gates of the university.. im crying to go and hug my mum, to talk to her, to get her to even look at me!! but she doesnt turn her gaze from this man.. so i force my way out of the university. i push open the doors, and my brother runs out in front of me and tells me that if i leave i could never come back.i freaked out and thought that hell, my mum would take care of me, seeing how my own brother would kick me out of uni she'd probably do it.. i mean.. i am her daughter. so i pushed my way past my brother. then i somehow get lost in a crowd.. and i see everyone i know now, people from school, family members, people iv seen round town, i see all of them telling me not to go. and my mum is still with this man, completely ignoring me!

i manage to escape the crowd, and when i reach my mum, i tell her of how i got there and what i gave up to see her again after all we've been through. she completely fucking ignores me, so i try and talk to her again.. and now she breaks out, shouting at me like she's never shouted before!!

"FUCKING HELL MURIELLE WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE ME!! LET ME BE HAPPY ON MY OWN AND FOCUS ON YOUR STUDIES!"

i start hesitating to respond to her and i try and hug her.. trying to find the right words to explain what im going through and how afraid i was.. and she breaks out again, slapping me this time, SLAPPING.. she shouts again and again..

"im NOT going to take care of you!! you are going to end up workin at some fast food shit. i will NEVER help you because this is what you DESERVE. you've always been the slow one in this family, and I HOPE YOU FUCKING END UP ALONE AND POOR AS FUCK, because im NOT gonna be there when you cry! and im NOT gonna be there when you're alone and poor! you'll end up on the streets with you fucked up job..
.....WHERE YOU BELONG!"

then i see myself.. crying.. wishing that everything was back to how it was before i came to penang.. that it was all perfect like it was then.. no one bitching about each other.. no one CHEATING or LYING about things that could fuck up your life forever! that is the point where i wake up to a soaked pillow and wide awake.. too afraid to go back to sleep. this has been fucking up my days alot, because i practically pass out when i get home.. and i never have time to do much homework or shit like that.. and i feel like iv wasted my day, and i look like a lazy, spoilt brat to my mum and brother. i hate nightmares. i hate how my lifes turned out.






FML

Blob is not an arsehole ):

those who think otherwise shall have to face my russian-australian mafia.
oh yes.
just wanted to clear that up.
he's actually pretty awesome.
his blogs alright i guess d:
and if theres one thing he isnt, thats an arsehole.
so piss the fuck off

anywho

here i am, lying in bed, doing homework.
yes im doing homework! how exciting!
im gonna try finish up this stupid math homework, and after that ill move on to geography.
god im bored
im talking to dipshit on the phone.
cuz bryce had to go do his stupif homework d:
i cant wait til the weekend (:
when i can sleep all i want, and eat all i want, and do what i want and when i wanna do it :D
im using this blog thing to procrastinate.
i think its working.
i am now gnawing on my arm..
i cant believe i actually listened to dipshit
its not as fun as he said it would be.
welp, this is boring as well
so im off to go continue my homework
im probably screwed for math cuz i cant be fucked to go get my book..
but oh well (:
its not like im gonna fail at life or anything, after all, its just maths


this blog is shit so im gonna just end this now.

THE ADVENTURES OF HULK AND DUFFMAN

it all began when a normal little girl by the name of Murielle, invited a not-so-normal little girl by the name of Ronja, to her house, to walk her dog, eat junk food/shit and discuss how both their lives sucked so badly. they were both on the brink of suicide. little did murielle know, that something so devistatingly epic was going to change her life.. for the next couple of years.

as they were walking dana, an amazing event of epic proportion happened. they had a stroke of genius. they decided that their names were not cool enough to support their retarded adventures of jokes and throwing up. Murielle, the master of jokes and the most gullible person ever, decided that Ronja's secret identity should fit her ability to not make sense. and Ronja, who made no sense, decided that Murielle's secret identity should fit her incredible, unique powers (such as her methods of self defense)like the gate incident......

they then combined their genius minds, and as for the end result.. well.. allow me to demonstrate

KAABAAAA blahblhblashbndkjmlbahblha njkdvm

oh yes.
this is what she has turned me into.

i am.

HULK

urban dictionary says: the incredible being that is large, green-skinned, very muscular, and goes around grunting "HULK [insert action here]"
favourite word: KABAA (not something the real hulk would say.. happens to be something a lil kitty cat would say.. totally suitable for hulk (: BALLS (see duffman for proper pronounciation) and NOM NOM NOM
favourite colour: blue NOT GREEN blououeeeee
partner in twiggying and shit like that: DUFFMAN oh yeah
sidekick: wonder dog
archnemesis: mitch the vitch..
weakness: baldless hamsters!! urghhhahahghfjnkmxxurhgnm D:
religious views (both hulk & d-man) : =3 .. we suck.. we know..

SHE is
the one.. the only..

DUFFMAN

urban dictionary says: for sure the greatest mascot ever made in history, period.
favourite word: duffmanohyeah, BALLS (pronounced; ba-oo-oh-ls, basically like vowels only bowels) NOM NOM NOM
favourite colour: i have no clue but ill put it up here as soon as i find out d: i think its also blue D:
partner in twiggying and shit like that: HULK kabaaa
sidekick: the amazing Zorro
archnemesis: same one as hulk even though they dont really know each other (we farht in her dirrectione d: )
weakness; -the word .. of unknown power .. the word .. able to cause old ladies to cringe in fear .. NI
-her ass crack showing all the time lmfao
people we're pissed at (both d-man & hulk) : bryce and joe for being total a-holes ):<





our latest adventure involved preparing for the end of the world.
we bought an inflatable boat which will probably not last long.. seeing how it can only hold 95kg and we are 100kg combined D: but we shall prevail. for with the help of wonderdog (who happens to be a lil genius) we have come up with a master plan, to somehow fill it up with helium! OH YEAH.





yeah. we're that awesome. we even have a secret language which involves a series of snorts, shouting kabaa, bitting each others arms, growling,nom nom nomming and of course the giving out of shit-flavoured air causing a loud, yet sometimes silent, sound, which happens to be a form of self defense which we have mastered :3 (mainly used when having something close on you like saayy a GATE!! -.- )





we plan to someday rule the world.


we'll probably end up going to the same college, maybe even university if our parents are awesome (:


most of the jokes in this blog are personal ones to dont worry if you dont understand any of it d:

Jordy Lemoine♥

holy fuck.
where to begin?
cutest. child. star. ever. ♥

:D
he sang french songs when he was a lil kiddo oh god i used to listen to him when i was like 5 (:
though hes like.. 17 now d:
fav songs: 'dur dur d'etre bebe' & 'alison'
i remember runnin around singing 'alison! c'est ma copine a moi!' over n over
cuz that was the only part of the song i knew d:
aahh





gooooooood times {:





as you probably already guessed (unless its not obvious enough) that pic is of jordy as a baby d:
n the one below this is him now d:








theres really no point in showing you this but hell i just had a humongo flashback of one of the few memories i have from my 2.5 years in switzerland so if you think its gay or any shit like that gimmi a break n piss off
/////////////////////

(:
♥